The Story of a Non-Relationship
More about how to resist our natural female urge to attach to a great lover and friend:

OK so on one of our druggy all nighters B and I had a conversation about fidelity. At the time I was freaked out that he was sleeping with someone else. Ha ha what a horrible hypocrite I am as I was sleeping with my ex at that time. Somehow that didn't seem wrong to me so I quickly rationalised his situation and agreed to try to come to terms with it. Not long after B told me that I was the only girl he was sleeping with but obviously he wasn't going to make any promises about the future. That is eminently sensible isn't it? In a standard relationship or marriage people usually intend to be faithful but many don't manage it for the entire duration. So why worry that he may sleep with someone else in the future as even if we were married that same possibility could be there!

I'm pretty sure he's not actively seeking someone else. So this should be ideal. At the present time, which is the only reality we can actually experience, B is faithful to me. Why do I worry about the future? Everything is transient, nothing permanent. "Live for the moment!", I keep telling myself. What makes more sense than that? But somewhere in us women there is a need to attach, to want a man to stick around. Put like that it's clearly an evolutionary expectation and therefore natural. But is it appropriate to all women in the 21st century? Many women clearly would benefit from this traditional set up but I think there's a significant minority of us who don't. If you are financially independent and have your own interesting and enjoyable life why have a relationship? It just gets in the way.

So here comes my dilemma of the day...I'm struggling to be satisfied with what B offers i.e. sex twice a week (sometimes once!). He doesn't want more in case it gets boring. He says he wants to keep it exciting and fantastic for as long as possible. I totally agree with him and this whole situation has made me outrageously horny, which is exactly the aim. But can I really limit myself to twice a week? I'm at the point of looking at casual sex websites because B hasn't fucked me for nearly 3 days. Aghghghghg!

Now I'm in danger of sounding like a slut here. For the record I have slept with precisely 4 men in the last 10 years, because I've been in long-term monogamous relationships yawn. So a slut I am not. However I am highly sexed and greedy! My exes would confirm that. Course B is right. If he came up every night or even every other night it would get samey. The buzz would go. This way there's always anticipation, something to look forward to. And this has to be a key difference in the relationship and non-relationship. If handled correctly the non-relationship could keep it's spark for much longer and therefore end up being the longer relationship (ironic, no?). Seeing too much of one person (friend, lover, relative) rarely results in a healthy relationship in my experience.

So back to the subject of casual sex websites he he. This is all new to me. My reasoning is this...B is giving me mindblowing sex at most twice a week. In between times I am outrageously horny. I can't have more with B cos he doesn't want to and my rational mind agrees with him. I don't want sex with him to become boring! Conclusion...get a second no strings lover to plug the gaps in the schedule. It could be perfect. It would be no good if it dampened my desire for B, wouldn't want that, no way! But there's a possibility that it could highten my lustful urges as I'd have two men to fantasise about and look forward to. Interesting theory eh?

And boy have I come a long way from worrying about fidelity! I know that in reality B isn't gonna find anyone better than me. Just how many girls out there can be a perfect physical fit, be up for it constantly, be into 8hr drug/music fuelled sexathons and give intelligent conversation not to mention deeper than deep head? I think I'm a good catch. Likewise he's a perfect catch for me. So rather than ruining what we have by being demanding or whining I need to take control and fix the problem without him ever realising there was one.

There's a brickie in Kent who's interested...tbc