More on a non-relationship

So just to remind you of the characters in my sex life: the angry ex (last relationship, one and a half years), B (Mr Right) of the non-relationship and Brighton in the fantasy parallel universe. The kid has gone off the radar. Started chatting to him on MSN the other night but when I didn't come up with more photos for him he disappeared, again! So I think he's a timewaster, which is what he probably thinks of me...ha ha.

Yesterday morning I had a lovely one and a half hours of dirty talk with Brighton on MSN. I ended up masturbating in front of the computer. But I didn't cum cos I wanted to save myself for the long awaited session with B that night. It's going to be so logistically difficult to set up a proper sex date with Brighton that I'm not sure it'll ever happen.

The angry ex texted me asking me what I was doing that night etc. When I told him I was seeing B he suddenly started talking about his new girlfriend. I'm sure he's lying but who cares? I don't want to sleep with him again anyway and if it's true about the new woman then we can be friends without any sexual stuff getting in the way.

At last Thurs night arrives...he says 8:30 then 9 and finally shows up at 9:40. Having been outrageously horny all day, and every day before that, I suddenly found myself not particularly horny. Was it the lack of hot texts (there had been some, but not many), his being so late or what? Thinking about having sex with him is making me horny now so what on earth was going on last night? We smoked some weed and had a very small amount of coke, one small line each. I'm wondering if the coke is the problem. Last time I did coke with him was a disaster too (see previous posts). So we go up to bed and his magic hands aren't working! What!!!! Normally one touch and I'm off but last night almost nothing happened. I did enjoy some of it but not like ususal. Neither of us came. Yikes! He's very tired and simply doesn't have the energy at the moment and I have too high expectations of him. This is the problem. Because we've had mindblowing, all night sex anything else is inevitably not as good. That hasn't bothered me in the past though. I've been able to really enjoy quickies too. I was wondering last night if my incredible sex drive is waning or whether the magic of B has just started to wear off. I've been thinking a lot about the lack of attachment and whether I can cope. I think I am attached to B, but he made it clear again last night, as he does every time, that he's not attached to me. Also he doesn't express emotion, affection etc outside the bedroom. He doesn't even feel like giving me a hug or a kiss or holding my hand or anything! He says he's always been like that, another reason why he's no good in relationships. So that means it's him not me which is a relief. If I can understand that his lack of affection is just the way he is, that he was like that with other women, then maybe it won't matter. I need to focus on what happens in the bedroom for that need and the chatting before, in between and after is the friendship part of our non-relationship. I don't think it's so easy for a woman to separate sex and friendship like a man can. For most women friend + sex = boyfriend = relationship. B and I need to be friends who enjoy having sex with each other like other friends enjoy playing a sport together. So you meet up, have a friendly chat, play together or in our case have sex together, more friendly chat and "bye bye then" til next time. That's actually exactly what I'm looking for but can the sex be passionate and wonderful under these circumstances? I think it can! It's about fantasy and the fantasy starts when we enter the bedroom. Only at that point does B become the hot lover that I want him to be and I need to become hot sex slave for him. Thinking back again to last night I can see that he was simply knackered. He probably didn't really want to come up but felt obliged. This is the kind of situation we've been trying really hard to avoid. Obligation is a real killer in a relationship situation and therefore should be absent in the non-relationship as the non-relationship aims to take only the good bits of a relationship!

Well I've a whole week to recover from the let-down, get my head round what happened and try to mentally prepare myself so that next Thurs night will be fantastic again! I'm worrying at the moment so my work for the week is to rid myself of worry by getting everything into perspective and remembering that the whole point of this adventure is to have FUN with sex!